A Patriotic Product

Don’t just tell people that America’s leaders are wiping their butts with the Constitution, hand them a roll of U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper.

Our custom designed toilet paper looks like the U.S. Constitution, but the words have been updated to reflect the actual modus operandi of our modern government. Highlights include a revised Presidential Oath of Office, a tricameral Congress with lobbyists, and a Bill of Privileges.

For many people, seeing the Constitution on a roll of TP is sobering. Wiping with the Constitution can be a very emotional experience. U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper causes many people to ponder what our Founders wanted, what America has become, and whether we have lived up to our ideals.

Constitution TP Features

Only heathens would skimp when printing the Constitution.

Updated Clauses on Constitution TP

WE THE PEOPLE of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Defence, preemptive Offence, & worldwide Policing, promote the general Welfare, Medicaid, Medicare, & Social Security, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves, do establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Article I

All legislative Powers shall be vested in a Congress, which shall consist of a Senate, House of Representatives, & Lobbyists. The House of Representatives shall be chosen by the Special Interests of the several States. No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have obtained $2,250,000 in campaign contributions. The Senate shall be composed of 2 Senators from each State, chosen by the Corporations thereof. . .

Uses for Constitution TP

A Note From The Creator of Constitution TP

I love America and don't like seeing our cherished nation sodomized by corruption. I have done many radio interviews about Constitutional TP. After one radio show, a friend asked if I had ever wiped with Constitution TP. I hadn't. My friend said that this was rather hypocritical, and I agreed. I therefore manned up and wiped my butt with Constitution TP the same day. Doing so was a more heart-wrenching and horrifying experience than I expected, yet is also something I think every American should experience once, so that they know what it feels like to be a member of Congress.

John Bull
Creator of U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper

What Are You Waiting For? Don't Hesitate!

Buy Constitution TP and help wipe out corruption!

1 Roll

U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper
$ 19
Plus Shipping

4 Rolls

U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper
$ 59
Plus Shipping

10 Rolls

U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper
$ 99
Plus Shipping

Please be aware that toilet paper is very delicate and thus difficult to print on. This is especially true of fine calligraphic text. Printed toilet paper is therefore expensive. We are earning a modest profit on Constitution TP, but we are not gouging customers.


For larger orders, questions on order status, or to schedule media appearances, please use the contact form below.