About the Free Rolls
We will provide free rolls of Constitution TP to the first 1,000 U.S. media outlets which join our mailing list and place a U.S. Constitution TP link or article on their website. Constitution TP is expensive to make, and is heavy and therefore costly to mail. We would love to send each media outlet a dozen rolls, but 2 or 4 is the best we can manage. Two rolls will provide one keepsake which you can display in your office, and one roll that you can give away to your audience—if we reach our Kickstarter funding goal. To join our e-mail list, simply enter your e-mail on the form at the top or bottom of this page.
About The Daily Wipe
The Daily Wipe will be e-mailed beginning June 22nd, every day until July 6th. A brief update about the status of our Kickstarter funding goals will also be included. The crux of Daily Wipes will be how the principles that our Founders championed can help solve America’s current problems, preventing defilement of the Constitution and restoring its integrity. Some truly horrifying and fascinating facts about political corruption will also be included, as will some extremely resonant quotes by Founding Fathers and modern leaders.
Booking The Creator of Constitution TP
The creator of Constitution TP has experience on everything from high-energy morning shows to serious talk radio, and will entertain your audience by intermixing humorous discussions of Constitution TP with oft-forgotten facts about what the Founding Fathers intended. The creator of U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper can be booked using the Contact Page.
About the VIP Access
All media outlets who join the mailing list will receive updates about the mailing of U.S. Constitution TP to “leaders,” as well as access to a secure website which provides independent verification of that mailing—assuming we can fully fund this Project on Kickstarter. On the secure website, a list of all “leaders” receiving U.S. Constitution TP will be shown, as well as the number of rolls mailed to each “leader,” and the tracking number for each mailing. Thus there will be total transparency and everyone will be able to verify that the promised number of rolls have been mailed.
What is the Kickstarter Funding Goal?
The stretch goal on Kickstarter is $1,000,000. If this is reached, 4 rolls of U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper will be mailed to all the leaders listed above, as well as the first 1,000 media outlets to join our mailing list. If $2,000,000 is raised, we will mail 4 rolls to media outlets rather than 2 rolls, and will mail them to the first 5,000 media outlets that join the mailing list rather than just the first 1,000.
One roll of U.S. Constitution TP costs $20 on Kickstarter, including shipping anywhere in America. Ten rolls of U.S. Constitution TP cost $100, including shipping anywhere in America. Thus 50,000 people would have to buy one roll to reach the $1,000,000 funding goal, and 10,000 people would have to buy ten rolls to reach the $1,000,000 funding goal. Two rolls are also available for $30, four rolls for $50, and 8 rolls for $90.
Adding Leaders to the Mailing List
Certain Pledges on Kickstarter allow backers to add “leaders” to the mailing list, or to have additional rolls of toilet paper mailed to a specific “leader.” Thus if a person wants to have Oliver North, Eric Holder, or Jack Abramoff added to the mailing list and receive U.S. Constitution TP, they can do so. If hundreds or thousands of people bought additional rolls for a “leader,” a pallet of U.S. Constitution TP might be delivered to extremely corrupt “leaders”! If many media outlets give U.S. Constitution TP traction, a massive number of rolls could be mailed to a huge number of “leaders”!
Thanks For Your Help!
E Pluribus Unum!