Our custom designed toilet paper looks like the U.S. Constitution, but the words have been updated to reflect the actual modus operandi of our modern government. Highlights include a revised Presidential Oath of Office, a tricameral Congress with lobbyists, and a Bill of Privileges.

For many people, seeing the Constitution on a roll of TP is sobering. Wiping with the Constitution can be a very emotional experience. U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper causes many people to ponder what our Founders wanted, what America has become, and whether we have lived up to our ideals.

Constitution TP Features

Only heathens would skimp when printing the Constitution!

  • Made in U.S.A.

    Made in U.S.A.

    Somebody has to provide jobs for Americans!

  • Safe Inks

    Safe Inks

    Organic, water-soluble inks are 1,000% safe.

  • Real Toilet Paper

    Real Toilet Paper

    Can actually be used to wipe your butt.

  • Shrink Wrapped

    Shrink Wrapped

    Each roll is individually encased and protected.

  • Eco-Friendly

    Eco-Friendly

    Recycled paper minimizes environmental impact.

  • Truly Plush

    Truly Plush

    Soft, multi-ply paper even a baby would love.

Help Send Constitution TP to Every Member of Congress!

Capitol
That’s right, we’re going to send a roll of U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper to all 435 U.S. Representatives and all 100 U.S. Senators, as well as every living President—if we can fully fund this Project on Kickstarter. For those unfamiliar with Kickstarter, it is a global crowdfunding platform based in the U.S. which has raised more than $1.5 billion from almost 2 million donors and funded more than 200,000 projects. Please help us out by clicking the Buy Now button below and visiting our Kickstarter page. We’re not asking for handouts, merely that you purchase Constitution TP via Kickstarter. You’ll get a cool-as-hell, one-of-a-kind product that is truly Patriotic, and help send a unforgettable message to our elected “leaders.” What could be more righteous than that?

Updated Clauses on Constitution TP

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WE THE PEOPLE of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common Defence, preemptive Offence, & worldwide Policing, promote the general Welfare, Medicaid, Medicare, & Social Security, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves, do establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Article I

All legislative Powers shall be vested in a Congress, which shall consist of a Senate, House of Representatives, & Lobbyists. The House of Representatives shall be chosen by the Special Interests of the several States. No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have obtained $1,250,000 in campaign contributions. The Senate shall be composed of 2 Senators from each State, chosen by the Corporations thereof. . .

A Note From The Creator of Constitution TP

I love America and don't like seeing our cherished nation sodomized by corruption. I have done many radio interviews about Constitutional TP. After one radio show, a friend asked if I had ever wiped with Constitution TP. I hadn't. My friend said that this was rather hypocritical, and I agreed. I therefore manned up and wiped my butt with Constitution TP the same day. Doing so was a more heart-wrenching and horrifying experience than I expected, yet is also something I think every American should experience once, so that they know what it feels like to be a member of Congress.
John Bull
- Creator of U.S. Constitution Toilet Paper

What Are You Waiting For? Don't Hesitate!

Buy Constitution TP and help wipe out corruption!